She Cannot be Happy when He is Not

Search:

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Home / Relationships / Marriage

By:Robert Elias Najemy

Anastasia cannot feel well when her husband Antonis is not well. She is extremely attached to his being well for a few basic reasons. The first is that she is dependent on him for her sense of security. She does not feel safe without him, and if he is not well, he might die and she will be unable to bear it. He has been her companion for thirty years now. She would be isolated and lonely without him.

Another reason is that she feels responsible for his health. Thus, if he is not well, she will have "failed" in her the role of the "good wife" and "protector." Also, if is he is ill, she will need to spend much more energy taking care of him, and this will be exhausting for her.

Antonis, on the other hand, has reverted to the role of the child who refuses to do what he is supposed to do to maintain his own health. He reacts by eating things he shouldn’t, not taking his medicine and working more hours than he should.

He feels ill, weak, and suppressed when he has to pay attention to these matters. He feels better and freer when he ignores them. He does not want his wife badgering him about his diet, his work or his ness to wear warmer clothing.

Such admonitions make him feel weak and suppressed like a small child. He does not want to die or be ill, but he may perhaps prefer it to a restricted life. He may regret this later, but this is how he feels now.

They have frequent arguments and clashes. When Anastasia complains and pressures him about these matters, she becomes the "interrogator" and then the "victim," He plays "aloof," ignoring her until he has had too much, and then becomes the "intimidator".

She pressures him because she loves him, but also because she feels responsible for him and cannot bear to see him ill, or even worse, dead. He reacts because he wants to feel free and capable. They have a conflict of needs.

What can they do? What are their lessons?

Anastasia:

Does she need to overcome her fear of his being ill and allow him to do what he wants, or should she keep reminding him of what he needs to do?

Is her lesson to understand that she cannot be responsible for his health or life?

Is it to be able to overcome her fear of his departure from the physical body?

Does she need to learn a different way of approaching him, perhaps expressing her own needs in an I -message and without criticizing?

Does she need to face her own insecurities and loneliness?

What does she do that stimulates Antonis’ reaction?

Does she need to learn to help without feeling responsible?

Does she need to strengthen her faith in the divine plan?

Should she see her loved one as a soul in evolution temporarily living in a physical body?

Should she think as positively as possible, and keep a smiling, optimistic vibration while employing all possible techniques for the healing of his body?

Should she do whatever she can and leave the results up to God, having faith that the best for everyone’s evolution will happen?

Can she deepen her spiritual life and contact with God?

Does she need to love him unconditionally regardless of his behavior, which can sometimes become negative when he suffers? Perhaps she also needs to take care of her own body and mind with a discipline of proper diet, exercises, breathing, relaxation and vitamins so she can maintain a high quality of energy during this testing time. Should she lovingly sacrifice her needs at this time in order to serve him?

Antonis:
Does he need to learn to understand Anastasia’s fears?

Does he need to learn to overcome his feelings of suppression and be more responsible about protecting his health?

Is his lesson to live as he chooses until he dies? What does he do that causes Anastasia to react in her way?

Does he need to free himself from his programmed ideas about being a man, about work and about freedom?

Through analysis and a desire to free themselves from these clashes, they will find their lessons and re-experience their love for each other.

Article Source: http://www.dailynewarticles.com

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach.
Over 600 free article and lectures at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/