I've just discovered something amazing. The Roundup, my bi-weekly

ezine, has a love life! As a matter of fact, it appears to be doing much

better than I am in that respect. You see, The Roundup regularly receives

email messages sent to its subscription address. The last one started,

"Hi, It's been awhile since we talked. I'm wondering if you've been

thinking about our last conversation…."

Oh, Roundup, you little devil you! Have you been sneaking around

behind my back with other ezines?

It's not just The Roundup that I have to worry about. I also have a number

of autoresponders that I use. In case anyone doesn't understand the term

"autoresponder," it's an automated email address. When you send a blank

email to an autoresponder, the technology automatically sends you a

pre-written message. I use autoresponders on my web site to give visitors

samples of my freely distributed articles. Well, danged if my autoresponders

aren't carrying on illicit affairs behind my back as well. One of them is

apparently involved with the same sender whose wanton behavior with

The Roundup is causing me so much concern. This autoresponder

receives the identical email message about remembering previous

conversations. Jeesh, I could have a major war on my hands if this keeps

up. All I need is for the Roundup to find out about the autoresponder,

and then what?

Oh, wait! A new turn of events! The Roundup just received an email

with "Get Your Share of E-Z Money" in the subject line. This oughtta

give it a competitive edge. As far as I know, the autoresponder is stone,

cold broke. It'll be no match for the soon-to-be stinking rich Roundup.

Speaking of autoresponders, another one of mine -- and I am embarrassed

about this -- has apparently been inviting communication with Heather,

a gorgeous 19 year old who has to take nude pictures of herself to pay her

college tuition. Well, Heather, I want you to understand something. My

autoresponder does not have its own credit card. 'Nuff said? But you might

try The Roundup. It'll soon be making lots of E-Z Money!

But this email intrigue continues. A new message just came in addressed

to "Undisclosed Recipients." The subject says "Hello, how have you

been?33, "

and the body asks whether Undisclosed Recipient is drowning in Credit

Card Debt. Hmmm! I wonder where I should forward this. The Roundup

won't need it, what with all this E-Z money soon to be coming in, so

maybe I'll send it to that frisky autoresponder. Perhaps when it gets rid

of its existing credit card debt, it can get a charge card and help Heather

get her education. I'm sure it'll be only two or three seconds before I

receive another email offering sure-fire guarantees around getting a credit

card. That'll come in handy for Heather and Auto.

But wait! This is the last straw! Now my web site is sabotaging me

behind my back. Now as far as I know, and I do know because I

designed the site, it contains a number of resources for business people

and entrepreneurs. But what's this? I now have an email from a sender

"who has just visited my site and thinks I would be interested in hearing

more about an opportunity involving horses." Horses? Is my web site

self-generating equine-related content at night when I sleep? Does it

have a dual-personality? This opens up possibilities for a catchy new

logo: "Business by day. At night -- oats and hay!"

Such is the allure of my technology's secret life. But this does answer

one question for me. Now I realize that spammers are actually targeting

ezines, autoresponders, and web sites. It makes a lot of sense. After all,

no actual person would ever fall for this stuff.

June Campbell

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