Strength and Fear, Emotion and Logic

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Friday, 10 October 2008

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By:Robert Elias Najemy

A few years ago, Angela almost fainted in the center of town. She felt helpless. She was losing her senses among all those strangers. She feared being humiliated by fainting, and thus, showing weakness. She was also afraid these strangers might not help her and that she would be in danger.

Since that day, Angela has not been able to travel outside the house without her husband. Until that moment, she had been a dynamic and even rebellious woman, but now she experiences humiliation, fear, weakness and inability. Angela had always rejected weakness in herself and in others, and she now feels shame and rejects herself for being fearful and unable to move about on her own. She fabricates various stories to cover up her fear to all except her immediate family and very few close friends.

For the first year, Angela’s husband, Spyros, understood, accommodated and supported her. He took her where she wanted to go and gave her special attention.

As time passed, Angela identified more and more with her fear and became ever more dependent on Spyros. This dependency has caused her to need to ensure that Spyros is always with her. She tries to please him in every way so he will be happy with her, but when her insecurity causes her to panic that he would not be there for her, she becomes angry and irrational with him.

All this has had two major effects on Spyros. One is that he has been pushed more and more into the role of the strong, capable and rational. Through the connected-container effect, Angela expresses their combined fears and Spyros their combined logic. Angela has become the epitome of emotion and Spyros the incarnation of logic. Spyros will at times undermine Angel’s self-image by telling her she is not thinking clearly and logically. This adds to her self-rejection and fear.

The second result is that Spyros has begun to feel very suppressed. He loves Angela, but being with her continuously is tiring him. He talks about separating and has started looking at other women. This makes Angela even more fearful, and subconsciously causes her to identify even more with the role of the weak and unable in an attempt to keep his attention and ensure his support.

She has now come to believe subconsciously that he will remain close to her only if she had a problem. Getting well also holds the fear of losing the attention and support she gets from Spyros.

Now Angela has two major fears: going out by herself and losing Spyros. Spyros is feeling suppressed and depressed. This is not the creative and enjoyable life he had imagined he would have with Angela.

What could their lessons be?

Angela:

Does she need to have more faith in the Divine so she can feel safe traveling by herself?

Does she need to accept her weaknesses first?

Is her lesson that she is safe without Spyros?

Should she realize that Spyros will love her and be with her even is she does not have a problem?

Does she need to learn that there are situations when she needs to use her logic to override her emotions?

Spyros:

Could his lesson be that his freedom is internal?

Should he understand that he will not lose his self-worth or self-control if he allows himself to feel and express his emotions?

Perhaps he too needs to believe in Angela’s ability to move about alone so he can begin to gently but firmly push her in this direction.

Does he need to learn to respect Angela’s emotional states as natural and a part of her growth process?

Article Source: http://www.dailynewarticles.com

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach.
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