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Virginia Bola, PsyD Profile and Articles
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1). Refreshing Your Relationship: Give 100%
A common expression is "I'll meet you halfway," and we often take that attitude into our marriage. I hear frequent complaints from couples in trouble that their partner isn't pulling their fair weight, that one is giving more than the other.
Whoever determined that life is a 50-50 proposition?
Some give more than others. S...
2). Dieting: I Can't Afford To Lose Weight!
We are so eager to lose weight that we swallow the promises of every diet guru on the planet and eagerly plunk down our hard earned cash, praying that this time it will work.
What are the costs of the popular diets? The initial cost is to buy the “Bible” for the diet or join the program. Those initial fees range from $20 or $30 for a b...
3). Age-Proof Your Resume
Older job hunters fear interviews where their age cannot be concealed and where an initial response of dismay on an interviewer's face, quickly hidde
4). Refreshing Your Relationship: Spend Quiet Time Together
Our lives are so busy that work and family responsibilities preclude very much quiet time with our mates. We are so weary when we finally fall into bed that we seldom take the time to really talk to each other or to nurture that specialness that is ours alone.
Look at your schedule and see where some quiet time together can be stolen f...
5). Weight Loss At Work: Non-Food Rewards
The e-mail comes out at noon. "To celebrate your hard work this week, there is cake and ice cream in the big kitchen at 3 today. Be there!"
The universal reward for hard work always seems to be food: cake and ice cream, a catered lunch for in-service training sessions, pizza for the overtime crew, bagels and cream cheese to brighten up...
6). Genuine Help Vs. Exploitation
I had a recent exchange of e-mails with someone who wrote:
"39 dollars for a book that proclaims itself to be a way out of depression and feelings of worthlessness for unemployed people?
Tell me: what does a PsyD know about unemployment and low-self-worth?
This price tag is atrocious.
You are vic...
7). Unemployment Blues: Life Changing Events
If we are unlucky enough to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, we experience a personal tsunami - a misfortune of devastating proportions that sweeps away our routine lifestyle and forever changes the world we know.
Yet despite the frequency of such events - the tidal waves of Asia, the hurricanes of the Gulf Coast, the loss of l...
8). Successful Job Search: Knocking Out The Competition
Most of the time, competition stimulates us, gets our juices flowing, generates creativity, a sense of excitement, and motivates us to perform at our
9). Unheard and Unseen: The Plight of America's Homeless Poor
With the rare exception of a special report produced by educational television channels and shown sandwiched between reruns late at night, we seldom see the faces of America's enormous homeless population. They live their street lives in decaying downtowns and slum districts, hidden from our daily commute between work and the suburbs.
...
10). Job Layoffs: Are We The Problem?
You know, we all talk a good game about keeping job positions in America and stemming the tide of illegal immigrants who pour through our borders at an alarming rate. But are we really willing to change our lifestyle, to put our money where our mouth is?
We love bargains so we buy the lowest priced goods from clothes, to electronics, t...
11). Refreshing Your Relationship: Set Regular Dates
A good portion of the enjoyment of a pleasant date is in the anticipation. We have a date for Friday night and we think about it throughout the week. We think about what we will wear, where we'll go, what we'll eat, what we'll say and do. We plan on how long it will take to get ready and whether we'll need to leave work a few minutes early.
12). Whose Values Are They Anyway?
First there was the sight of Janet Jackson's pastie-adorned breast at the Superbowl, then Nicollet Sheridan's towel-dropping scene on Monday Night Foo
13). Interviewing Skills: Presentation of Your Work History
Your work history becomes a key focus in a job interview, usually right after the requisite pleasantries of whether you had difficulty finding your way, comments about the traffic and weather, and an offer of coffee or water.
As you settle back in your chair, trying to look a lot more relaxed than you feel, the interviewer picks up you...
14). Weight: The Thanksgiving Hangover
The feasting is over. The turkey has disappeared: roasted and hot, microwaved leftovers, then cold sandwiches and eventually croquettes or thrown into soup.
You climb on the scale with trepidation and breathe a long sigh of relief when the dreaded poundage fails to appear. Before you relax and think you got away with it, remember that ...
15). Refreshing Your Relationship: Change Your Appearance
One of the challenges of even the strongest long-term relationship is the difficulty in keeping things fresh and new. We are creatures of habit, developing routines that work for us without our having to think about it. It allows us to move through fast-paced lives without having to make every little decision on a daily basis. We don't want to stop...
16). Job Hunting Tips: Time Management
There is an old adage that "Looking for a job is harder than working." How true! The rigors of job search are magnified by the turmoil we experience:
17). The Holidays: An Emotional Feast
Every year, I swear that I will be thin enough to wear my smallest dress to the office party. And every year, I don’t quite make it. Oh, I can usually get into it by the beginning of February after a diet-obsessed, guilt-ridden January, but it doesn’t mean as much then.
Why are November and December so toxic to our weight control effor...
18). Bush Victory: A Defeat for the Have-nots?
The shouting is over and directions for the next four years selected. Judging by past behavior (the best predictor, psychologically, of future behavi
19). Same Sex Marriage: Legislating Morality
Biologically, a coupling between male and female (with some very rare exceptions like aphids, mites, and some lizards) is required for procreation, c
20). The Price of Loyalty
With the recent shakeups in the presidential cabinet, it has frequently been observed that the quality most treasured in the present administration i
21). Unemployment Blues: Staying Afloat
The unemployment checks are running out and there is no potential job in sight. The wolf is knocking at the door and you need to survive. Here are fiv
22). The True Power of Terrorism
Those of us hundreds of miles from ground zero sat glued to our television sets with horror and disbelief as two of the tallest buildings in the world
23). What Al Qaeda Will Never Understand About The Katrina Disaster
There are rumors that Bin Laden and his minions are sitting around laughing at the spectacle of the mighty United States bungling the relief efforts for the Gulf Coast. It is certainly ironic, and would be laughable if not for the tragedy it caused, that for disasters anywhere in the world, cargo planes laden with relief supplies are in the air in ...
24). Refreshing Your Relationship: Schedule Some Fun Time
Ask anyone in a committed long-term union for the secret of their success. Almost always, one of the top three reasons cited is the ability to laugh together. No matter how big the problems, or how many the obstacles, they will be most effectively approached with a sense of humor and the teamwork that emerges from shared laughter and a mutually pos...
25). The Ugly American Returns
Originally published in 1958, "The Ugly American" (Lederer & Burdick) documented American blunders abroad and our failure to identify that what we te
26). Diamonds in the Spam
There are those who turn apoplectic at the receipt of unsolicited commercial email, commonly dubbed spam. These are the same people who receive hundreds of bulk letters addressed to "Occupant" without batting an eye.
Getting rid of unwanted mail means sorting through the stack to pull out the important pieces and then dumping the remai...
27). Politics: The Corruption Curve
"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." (Lord Acton)
We all like to think of ourselves as kind, honest, and benevolent. In our hearts, we are convinced that should we ever attain personal power, whether through building our own business, rising to the corporate executive of...
28). Bye-Bye Bread
I don't know about you, but I absolutely love bread - not the soft, fluffy, rubber stuff sold as an edible napkin, but the scrunchy, chewy, whole grai
29). Layoff Survival: The Value of a Job Search Diary
Looking for a job involves a wide range of responsibilities: preparing a resume, looking at ads, contacting employers, calling and visiting friends an
30). The Language of Blogs
I read over a lot of blogs each week, casually surfing one or two of the blog exchanges I belong.I realized yesterday that I seldom read the w
31). Refreshing Your Relationship: Review Pet Peeves Together
No matter how close we are to our partner, no matter how strong the bond and the mutual likes and dislikes, there are always little things that we do that "bug" our greatest audience. Too often, such personal habits are only discussed in the middle of a heated argument when they are hurled like missiles "And another thing, you always . . ."
32). Diet: Facing Lousy Choices
It's 11:30 AM. You've been up since 5 o'clock and the hunger meter is on high. "What to eat?" you think to yourself.
You pore over the menu for the deli downstairs but nothing you can allow yourself looks that good. Sure, you could go out for fast food but there's a meeting coming up and you don't really want to move your car and then ...
33). Maybe We Need An Occasional Disaster!
The suffering and trauma left in the wake of last year's tsunami in Southeast Asia, our own hurricanes Katrina, Rita, and Wilma, the earthquake in Kashmir, and the mud slides of Central America, cannot be ignored. But none of these were man-made acts that we can attempt to eradicate, like terrorism or the brutality of tyrants.
These we...
34). Weight: Give Us Something To Shoot For
We have all seen the new Dove commercials that feature “real” women rather than the impossibly “ideal” models that are usually selected. While the Dove girls are universally attractive and fit, they also reflect different sizes and shapes, designed to represent the average American woman. Is that what we want?
Glorifying our diversity ...
35). The Diet Bore.
You probably know a diet bore: there's at least one in every office, every group, and at every get-together. It's almost always female - men lose weight too but don't seem to feel the same compulsion to convert the entire world. Blame it on our innate female need to change everyone else.
The diet bore is the one who knows the caloric c...
36). Success! An End to Job Search Misery
There is an end to the job search tunnel!It has been a long, hard road: layoff, unemployment, fear, depression, and occasionally panic or desp
37). Personal Contacts: The Key to Successful Networking
When the word "networking" is used, we tend to think of upwardly mobile college graduates with a bursting day timer in hand chatting up the competiti
38). Unemployment Blues: Are We Pre-Programmed To Be Productive?
Toiling away at our daily grind, we dream of running away to Hawaii or the South Pacific where we can lie on the beach and do absolutely nothing.
Some of us are lucky enough to take a vacation there and temporarily cut ourselves off from the world of responsibilities and demands and worries. We breathe easier, sleep deeper, eat more he...
39). Refreshing Your Relationship: Share Your Day's Activities
Even the closest couples these days (with the rare, happy exceptions of those who work together) spend more awake time apart in their separate careers than they do together. The individual you are at work, no matter what career you pursue, is very different than the person you are within your romantic relationship.
That is why everyon...
40). Unemployment Blues: Talk To Yourself
There is always a debate about whether daily affirmations work - the kind of uplifting statements you repeat to yourself in the mirror each morning.
I find a more effective way to improve your mood and self-esteem is to create your own positive scripts for regular re-reading and study. On those days when you're really down on yourself ...
41). Employment Under A Microscope
A certain amount of oversight is involved in almost any job. The more important, the more highly skilled, the more successful the position, the lower
42). Katrina: Victims For Life?
There can be no debate about the horror of the World Trade Center attack. No conceivable rational excuse for the criminal destruction of spectacular buildings and thousands of innocent lives can be advanced. It was monstrous; it was deadly; it was immoral.
Four years later, the survivors still mourn their loved ones and the world looks...
43). The Night Worker
In the process of musing about our perennially awake world for my Social Psych blog, I started to think about our present work world and how its opera
44). Job Interviews: Prepare Questions In Advance
An interview almost invariably closes with the potential employer asking if you have any questions. Often an applicant will ask for clarification on benefits -insurance, vacation time, etc. While these are obviously important for you to know, they plant a seed in the interviewer's mind that maybe you are more interested in what the job can do for y...
45). Nonverbal Interview Behavior
Non-verbal interview behavior can drown out your verbal self-presentation. Practice interviewing in front of a full-length mirror or, better y
46). Is The End Near?
During the past year, hundreds of thousands have perished at the hands of a mother nature run amok. Tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, and torrential rains have served us notice that for all our brilliant achievements, we are not masters of the earth.
Those who adhere to the prophecies of the past suggest that the cataclysm of world de...
47). Job Interviews: Make An Application Cheat Sheet
It is so easy to sit down to complete an application and suddenly your mind blanks. You can't remember dates or names or telephone numbers. If you have a varied work history, you can't recall which job came first. If you have worked for the same employer for years, you forget when your duties changed or when you received a promotion.
D...
48). Pre-Interview Web Research
You have obtained an interview -- congratulations! You feel prepared to discuss your strengths, your accomplishments, your willingness to work hard an
49). Smashing the Gray Ceiling
For decades, women have chaffed at the invisible glass ceiling which prevents their moving into the high executive brackets that their competence, kn
50). 42 Years Later: Remembering JFK
42 years ago, we sat in front of our television sets in complete shock. When the usually totally objective Walter Cronkite momentarily lost it on a live broadcast, he represented faces all over America, frozen in grief and disbelief.
It was an innocent time. Young, vigorous, charismatic, and eloquent, Jack Kennedy represented the dream...
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