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Margaret Paul, Ph. D. Profile and Articles
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51). Relationships: Taking Care of Yourself in the Moment
Maria consulted with me because she was frustrated about the distance she felt in her relationship with her husband, Carl. He wanted to be close to her, but she didn’t feel close to him.
“I think the problem is that he often talks to me in a judgmental or condescending way. He sounds like a parent rather than a partner. I just hate bei...
52). Self-Judgment Versus Self-Compassion
IMPORTANT – Publication and Reprint Terms
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated. Please ask permission if you want to publish this article in p...
53). Sexual Attraction - Addiction or Intimacy?
Megan asked the following questions in one of our phone sessions: “Over and over, when I’m really attracted to a man and I sleep with him fairly early in the relationship, I discover that he is not good husband material. What am I doing wrong? Am I just attracted to the wrong kind of men?”
This is a frequent question from my single wom...
54). Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?
How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and bending our values?
Most relationships require u...
55). Speaking Your Truth to Your Partner
Mark sought my help because he was thinking of leaving his wife, Linda. He had not been feeling in love with Linda for a long time, but they had two children and he really didn’t want to break up the family.
“Mark,” I asked, “Were you ever in love with Linda?”
“Yes, at the beginning of our relationship.”
“Then...
56). Start Growing Healthy Children Before Getting Pregnant
When I was in my early 20’s, I read Adele Davis’s book, “Let’s Eat Right To Keep fit.” I learned from her that “you are what you eat.” I also learned that our babies are what we eat while we are pregnant, and then are what they eat once they are born. If you nurse your babies, then they continue to be what you eat as long as you are nursing them. M...
57). Sustaining Romance After Becoming Parents
IMPORTANT – Publication and Reprint Terms
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated. Please ask permission if you want to publish this article in p...
58). The Challenge of Families
Angie grew up in a family where she was the caretaker. The oldest of four, Angie was the only member of her family capable of deep caring, empathy and compassion. As a result, she was always attempting to protect her brother and sisters from her father’s physical and emotional abuse. Even her mother learned to turn to her for help and protection. B...
59). The Challenges of Single Parenting
Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and written books on parenting and relationships, I’ve discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through our behavior how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Our children need to le...
60). The Courage to Be a Loving Parent
Most of us really don’t like it when someone is angry at us. We don’t like it when people go into resistance to helping us when we need help, instead of caring about us. We don’t like it when people withdraw from us, disconnecting from us and shutting us out. We don’t like it when people make demands on us and do not respect our right or need to sa...
61). The Dating Scene - Signs of a Promising Relationship
Celine was just starting to date again after a difficult breakup. She was feeling anxious because she didn’t want to go through another unhappy relationship, but she didn’t trust herself to make good choices. She sought my help in learning how to discern a promising relationship from one that is bound to fail.
In Celine’s last relation...
62). The Difference Between Approval and Appreciation
Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, helping them learn to resolve conflict, I have often been faced with the difficulties that occur when people are confused about the difference between approval with appreciation. Have you ever wondered about the difference between approval and appreciation? Most o...
63). The Fear of Expressing Anger
There is much to learn from anger, yet many people are afraid of this feeling because they don’t know how to express anger in ways that are helpful rather than harmful. I teach a process at my weekend Inner Bonding workshops called “The Anger Process.” This powerful process, which is described below, is not only for releasing pent-up anger in harml...
64). The Five Best Gifts to Give Your Family
When we think of giving gifts, we usually think of things to buy for people. Yet if you think back on gifts you’ve been given, it might not be the material gifts you received that are foremost in your mind – it might be the kind of gifts that deeply touched your heart and soul. It might be various ways, other than material things, that people expre...
65). The Importance of Laughter and Tears
Ron grew up in a household where laughter and tears were never expressed. Anger was the main feeling expressed by his mother, while his father was mostly withdrawn. By the time Ron was eight years old, he had managed to shut off both his laughter and his tears to avoid feeling rejected by his parents and controlled by his mother. Shutting down was ...
66). The Need to Feel Special
From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was demanding of attention, especially from her mother, Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a “special” place in the family as the baby and the only girl. She made sure to establish a “special” relationship with her mother, who relished the connection since she didn’t have much of a relationsh...
67). The Poison of Resentment
Actress Susan Saint James, in a TV interview after the terrible plane crash that claimed the life of her 14 year old son Teddy, and injured her husband, NBC Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol, and her son Charles, made the following brilliant statement: “Resentment is like taking poison and then expecting the other person to die.” Even in the face of her...
68). The Powerful Secret to A Loving Relationship
There are many factors that go into creating a loving relationship. Certainly it helps if two people have some things in common regarding how they like to spend their time. It also helps if they have common values around religion or spirituality, around politics, the environment, abortion, and personal growth. It helps if they both eat junk food or...
69). The Secret of Self-Esteem
Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals.
Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:
* I will feel good about ...
70). The Underlying Cause of Nervous Breakdowns
Life can offer us many challenges having to do with loss. When we are faced with relationship loss, financial loss, loss of health, loss of limb, loss of regard, or loss of love, we can feel overwhelmingly anxious, depressed and stressed. When the anxiety, depression and stress get too big, we may have a nervous breakdown – that is, we become incap...
71). Toddler Skills for Personal Responsibility
There are three skills that are very important for our little ones to learn early in their lives.
1) Children need to be able to fall asleep on their own. Infants and toddlers who are always rocked to sleep, or breastfed or bottle fed to sleep, learn to depend upon others for falling asleep and do not develop their own falling asleep m...
72). Trust Starts with You
“I have a hard time trusting people.”
“I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife).”
It is very common for me, in my work as a counselor, to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It’s about you become a ...
73). Two Choices That can Make Next Year The Best Year of Your Life
What if there were just two choices you could make to insure that next year would be wonderful? There actually are, and these choices are quite simple in concept, yet not easy to do. They are not things you do on the outside, such as exercising your body (which is always a good thing to do!) but ways of thinking and being on the inside. These have ...
74). What About Drugs for Anxiety and Depression?
As a counselor, I am often asked, “Can drugs be helpful for anxiety and depression?” The answer I give is “Yes” and “No.”
Yes, drugs may be useful for short-term help. No, drugs are not a good long-term solution.
Anxiety and depression are not caused by a lack of drugs. Drugs do not heal the underlying causes of anxiety an...
75). What Causes Holiday Stress?
The holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration when friends and families get together to share food, fun, gifts, and love. They are supposed to be a time of giving, caring and connection when we celebrate important and meaningful events.
Why, then, are they often so stressful and what can we do to make them more fun and peaceful...
76). What Is a Boundary?
My clients often explain to me how they set a boundary. They tell me something like, “I set a boundary. I told him he has to stop putting me down in public,” or “I set a boundary. I told her she has to be on time from now on,” or “I set a boundary. I told him he has to stop being critical of me.”
This is not a boundary. A boundary is n...
77). What to Do When You Are Alone for the Holidays
Being alone for the holidays is a major challenge for many people. Holidays often conjure images of family, of warmth and the sharing of special time. Loneliness can be overwhelming when you have no one with whom to share holiday time.
Many people, however, miss the point of what holidays are really about and what makes them special. H...
78). Who Are The Underminers?
How many of you had the experience growing up of being told in various ways to limit yourselves from being all you can be? The movie “The Incredibles” is a wonderful metaphor for this. In this movie, the superheroes – the people with extraordinary powers – are restricted from using their powers.
When I was growing up, I was not support...
79). Why Do People Lie?
Amanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset.
“I just found out that Ron’s been watching porno on the Internet and lying t...
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